She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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