I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
