she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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