Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
