He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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