Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
