oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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