I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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