In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Randomize
