There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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