Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
