sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
