I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
