I accidentally burped into my bong.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
