Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
