We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
