I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
