one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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