You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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