hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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