why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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