I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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