Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
