dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
