There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize