I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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