Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
