youre lurking in front of me
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
