How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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