How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Sext me about skeletons
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
