I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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