Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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