I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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