Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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