so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
