if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
