I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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