he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
