i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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