forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
