I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Bring me that man meat
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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