dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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