why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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