did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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