Will you blow on my dice?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
