Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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