Already got asked if we're dating
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
