Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
