clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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