There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
