We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
