Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
