found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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