dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
