$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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