We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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