i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
