I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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