so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
