just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Sorry my hands just texted you
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You ruined the universe
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
