I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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