I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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