These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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