So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
