i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
