Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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