her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
