This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She's the barista slut.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
