I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
