Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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