I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
