Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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