i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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