So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
